September 25th 2004

Dirty Laundry You Say???

Laundry Nite


So you ask...
What took me so long? I mean the laundry has been sitting there for
2 errrrr 3 Weeks Already!

Not having laundry facilities in ones abode is a Pain in the Arse. Every year I contemplate the "SALE of the Century" at the local appliance center, with an equal question of, Where the Heck am I gonna Put a Washer and Dryer. Then I end up talking myself out of it because the plumbing in this Post Victorian has the water pressure of let's say.. an Automatic Drip Coffee Maker?

So there I go... with ONE Huge Garbage Bag... Wheeling down the street after dusk... so no one I know in the neighborhood would laugh at me as I toggled down and around the corner with my RED Granny Cart that's Too Small for the size of my Garbage... errr.. Laundry Bagss.

TWO BAGS FULL

Dagnabbit.. I have TWO bags tonight.. and wouldn't it be silly to stack one on top of the other.. and fall down the street watching my "Dirty Laundry" being exposed to all of the neighborhood dogs to pee pee on!

OK.. Okk... I took one bag at a time.. for safety sake.. how embarrassing.. I hung my head in shame! How does one person accumulate so much filth? NO.. I haven't done my laungry since I last worked at PizzaLand SHAME ON ME! The smell of Yeast has coaxed me into I can't stand it anymore... as NOW my Dirty Laundry REAKS of.. Pizza, Yeast, Smoke from that Oven... and NOW the remnants of a Funeral Parlor.. UGHHHH

So, I get out that FABULOUS NEW Ingredient called Fabric Freshner Spray. (Sprayed all the dirty laundry.) That wonderful NEW Powdered Whitener that brighten's even the dingyest of clothes, carpets and tennis shoes. Grabbed a couple.. errrr.. BUNCH of those Fabric Softener Sheets. They're Soooo Sweet Smelling and will get the FUNK outta my Clothes. Then OFF I go Toggling Down the street with my Red Granny Cart... Oh yeah.. ONE Wheel is kept on with the aid of Masking Tape... CUTE Huh!

Earlier Today.. I left a message on My old boss's answering machine to ask for my last check. Then I called the NEW ORDER of Pizzaland to ask IF my Final Check had come in.. he said NO!!! Call the Old Boss. Somehow as I napped today, I missed the phone call from the Old Boss saying that my check was at PIZZALAND.. UGHHH.. will these people get Anything Straight???

So.. there I was trying
to Kill Two Bosses errr..
Birds with One Stone

Wheeling my way to the Hippyland Launder Mat and Kitty Corner is Pizzaland. I put that FULL Bag of Clothes in the Washer and wheeled back home to get the Second Bag... Successfully accomplishing Both whilst a little old lady watched. I left my Red Basket in the Coin-Op and stopped at the corner store.. to be asked by the long time store owners...

YOUR NOT WORKING TONITE?

Had to explain to him, that NOPE Don't Work There Anymore! He was Shocked, as I was the ONE Person Holding Down the joint successfully. Anyways, told him I went to work one day and the NEW ORDER told me.. "We Have Enough People". You've heard that story before No Shock Here. He just shook his head in shame, how could they do that to the Fairy God Mum? BAD KARMA is all she wrote.

Anywhoooo... I trooped over to Pizzaland pet a cute puppy tied to the bench out front.. poor thing.. he was shivering in this thick fog. There was a cardboard box for him to lay on, a bowl of water and some Puffed Cheeze It's scattered on the ground for him to eat.. poor babyyeeee.. I thought. Then I entered the shop and saw one of my old co-workers on the phone chatting away smiling. Guess he was smiling cause he Still HAD a JOB! A cutie young girl was sitting behind the counter.. who knows WHO she Was.. doesn't matter... then asked for my check. He tossed the envelope at me and I pulled my check out.

NOT THAT TOOTHLESS
GUY AGAIN??

That Dang Idiot New Order El-stoopido Guy.. NO CHECK HERE.. What a blippty bloopty blahhh!!! I thought as I left the joint, I pet the dog once again.. he was shaking, it was COLD! Then.. guess who walked up? The Toothless GUY! Apparently the dog knew him cause he started wagging his tail. So I said.. OH.. this must be your daddy. Then Daddy Snag-O-Tooth said... "He needs a Bath!" YEP.. doggie needed a bath and a Blanket.. Ya DUMMY! I'm NOT that mean.. just told him.. the dog was cold and yanno... that fool didn't care!

Then I HAD to go potty... so I went to the corner coffee shop it's called "Sacred Grounds" it's a place where OLD Beatnik HIPPY's used to recite poetry, Bob Dylan, The Greatful Dead and other's have left their mark there. On Friday nites they have live accoustic music, but nobody ever goes anymore. Guess they don't advertise. Anyways... there were these 2 guys on guitars and 1 guy on the bongos, and I counted 2 whole people listening to them. The girl behind the counter was on the phone and couldn't care less about the music. But she let me use the toidy. After I came out, I felt obigated to listen for a bit. STOOPID ME.. they started singing a song that goes like this:

"My Baby's as Cold as ICE.. Got ICE Water Running Through Her Veins"

I took this as an Exit Cue... why should I sit there and be abused... contemplating how cold, heartless and cruel women can be.. Wait a MiNIuTe.. I'M a WOMAN.. those IgnoramousMEN!

Headed back across the street to the HippyLaunderMat.. and noticed that little old lady making Eye's at my Cart! She was heading for my SOAP! Good thing I made it back there just in time. She coulda taken my CART!

Anyway's.. nothing interesting happened after that. Unless you wanna hear about me reading my book, folding clothes and toggling TWO HUGE GARBAGE BAGS FULL of Clean Laundry back up the hill to my house, walked the dog, ate cracked crab, mac and cheese with broccoli a chocolate pudding cup then sipped on Vanilla International Coffee.. the powdered kind.... Said My nitely prayers and watched SG-1.

Hugz n Lub, Bebe da FairyGodMum

da Fairy God Mum wrote this @ 12:56 a.m.



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