2008-08-22

Short, Fat and Me...

Do I like you that much?

This is the question I asked myself today as I went out with one of my guy friends. Yes, I know I like him. Yes, he's very handsome. Yes, all the girls look at him when he walks by. Yes, he used to be a Super Model!!!!!

Well.. HELL YEAHHH I LIKE Him ThaT MucH!!!

But do I LIKE him that much? hmmmmm... I dunno. I mean when I met him I got butterfly's. But why did the butterfly's stop you ask? Seems he's getting soo much PXXXY, mine looks as dry as sawdusk! Although I guarantee it's NOT!

Yes, I'm fat and old.. perhaps a little retarded when it comes to math, spelling and remembering important dates. Yes, I'm just a weeeeeee bit older and have the boobs the size of bonanza. (I can verify the last one, as I just bought 3 new bras today, buy 2 get 1 FREE!) You remember the "DD" well, you can add another one!

I knowww ... I KNOWWW.. you are saying why are you being so hard on yourself. Lest I remind you... He's a former MODEL! Slurp Slurp. I love him just the same and am so happy to have him in my life as a friend. I hope that the friendship lasts forever and that he calls me when he needs me. But I can tell he's just a bit apprehensive in divulging any secrets. It's too funny that my clairvoyance kicks in just in time to reveal his deepest darkest secrets. Like DUHHH... no where to run, no where to hide. I SEEEE YOUUUUU.

Ok... I'm just being silly here. But today I've realized that I truly do have a crush on this guy. Even though I can see our incompatibilities, already he gets on my nerves and I'm sure he's tolerating me. He told me today... "You need to start dating."

What does this mean?

A: You need to start dating someone else.

B: You need to starting dating me.

C: You need to start dating and get the fruck outta my aura.

D: You need to start dating me so we can get busy Frucking.

F: You need to get a fruck.

G: You need to start dating.

I GIVE UP!

Would someone please give me some good advice here??? Or should I reveal that I haven't dated or frucked in uhhhh YEARs!!!! Matter a factly it scares me now. I wouldn't think of dating anyone that isn't directly involved or practicing this buddhist training I'm doing. Why you ask?

I need someone with a pure heart. Someone with good intentions, someone with me on their heart and in their mind. Someone that can't stand being without me and wouldn't dare even think of screwing a coffee bean. You know... perks a lot with beans for brains. I need someone with the same mission, going in the same direction. Someone, who accepts me for me in all my glory and everydayness. Accepts me even though I am who I am and not who they think they can make me be.

Can I get an "AMEN!"

Hugz n Lub, Bebe da FairyGodMum