March 31st 2005

Today is Just...

Another Day

So it was just another day nothing special nothing exciting if this intrigues you read on.

Why would anyone think that just an ordinary day is special? It started off ok. I stayed up til 6pm typing on the puter surfing and doing a bit of research. Ok, ok.. it's Spring Break and I do have some homework to do. But I've decicded to do that tomorrow. So of course I slept until 11am and rushed out late as usual to rehearsal with my singer (Al). He's got a marvelous voice and he's doing the gospel number in my show.

Then I had a meeting with my advisor whom has convinced me to continue on with my education for another year to get my MFA. I need that right? I mean if I want to teach at the college level that's exactly what I need. Guess I'm just not all that excited about being a broke student for another year. Perhaps thats the reason for my lack of yahooness.

Then after spending the day at New College, I headed back home with my beans and rice from the corner Mexican restaurant. Where I go to school is in the Mission District in San Francisco. It is also sort of little Mexico. It is the most lively part of town with a diversity of people, flavors and sights. I'm kinda diggin the area and always find it welcoming that a man has looked my way. And there I was with this handsome singer who dresses like he just walked out of GQ. White jean jacket, black, tan and white print shirt, designer tennis shoes. So how come I'm not attracted to him.

Well... maybe it's because he's made no advancements towards me. Maybe it's because everyone asks me if he's gay. Maybe it's because I've known him for so long and know that he cannot afford the designer lifestyle and is not gay. Or maybe it's because he was my ex boyfriends best friend.

Pic of me and ex on our last trip to Vegas. Here we are in the Voodoo Lounge.

Ok.... Ok.. maybe it's the later.

So we decided to get away for a bit, as he wanted to get out of town. I suggested the mud baths in Napa Valley as kind of a get-a-way. IF you guys knew me before, you would know that's where I usually take my boyfriends on that first over night trip. But somehow, I'm not attracted to this guy. I mean, he works out every day, has beautiful skin, but then I find him not quite my type of guy. When going on such a trip with him would only mean we would do mud baths and nothing more. I mean, I can't even picture us kissing. Imagine that! I've never had any problems kissing anyone.. but him? Call me a prude or whatever you wanna. Nor are there any guilt trips on him actually being a friend of my ex.

My ex and I remain friends, even though he's moved to New Mexico and is dating assorted women. He calls me to let me know how he's doing.. Let me back up.. He calls me to let me know how HE and His Mother are doing.

Yes, you heard me right.

When we broke up a few years ago, well.. we didn't actually break up but both of us knew after he was to move, we too would move on with our lives. We always had more of a friendship than a love thang. One reason why it didn't continue into something more. I wanted a lover who happened to be a friend. He wanted a friend who happened to be a lover. And we still meet in Vegas every other year or so just to reconnect. But somehow I just don't even have the desire to meet him there anymore. Maybe it's because I feel deserted.

There I go on one of those tangents... but back to dear Sweet Mom... After he decided to move to New Mexico, he got a job teaching Native American children on a reservation... then had a new house built, bought a new truck and then his mother announced she was selling her trailer in DC.. to move in with him. Which meant that Moi would be out of the picture.. yahhh you heard me right. What a mother huh!

But back to his friend.. gosh can you believe it, I'm talking about his friend. He's my friend now and has always lent his hand in being a proper excort when I need one. He dresses appropriately and looks good on my arm. He's like arm candy without having to lick the lolly pop. Kind of safe sex without mouth to mouth.. Ok ok... you get the picture. I find it wierd that tons of people ask me if he's a giggalo or if he's gay. Funny thing is he's neither, just a dressy country boy from the south trying to culturize himself into city social esthetics.

He's really a nice guy although I get a bit tired of him always talking about clothes and nutrition. These are his favorite subjects. But he has the most marvelous singing voice and I am thinking of representing him as an artist rep if nothing else happens. He makes a good friend.

Then why do I feel like there should be something else?

I'm not attracted to him physically.. OH.. I already said that.. so I guess it's just good having a friend. When women say friend they mean it.. I mean Don't We? So, I guess today was just like any other day.

Short Mexican Men whistling at me... My friend (Al) kissing me on the cheek goodbye, and a slow lonely bus ride home with stinky homeless men staring at my boobs. Sheesh, I mean these baby's are going to waste!

Guess today was just a day to vent. Don't really know if I'm looking for any advice on this matter. Maybe I just need to get out more often and stare at some hunks every now and then.

Staring at hunks, now isn't that a thought. Here in SF where hunks are at every turn... Only thing is they are not looking at women. The single men men are usually dorks and remind me of leftovers. You know the kind, the ones nobody wants because they're either broke looking for a home.. and guess what... they're movin in with you! (Had enough of those types) Or they go to booger eaters anonymous. (Had enough of them too!) Guess I've reached the bottom of the barrel. I'm down to contemplating friends. NOT! No wonder here in the city women are looking at women.. NOT ok ok.. I've got nothing against people who like the same gender and all, but it's just not my thing. I respect those who make they're own choices in life and good a thing I live in this city where even the gay's respect the straight's.

I'd be better off if I looked like some freak. I mean at least the freaks in this town have someone. How is that so? The people who wear all black, the purple haired ones with piercing through they're eyebrows and chins, the ones with tattoo's everywhere of crossbones and garfield the cat. Why the heck is it my fate to walk down these streets alone while sobbing as I watch lovers kiss, walk hand in hand shopping together for shoes and colognes. I miss shopping with my lover. I miss the smell of a man's sweat. I miss the bad breath in the morning and the toilet seat up. Is it me or am I going insane. Dayum it.. I take that back.. I loath falling into the john, I don't kiss a man's bad breath and I hold my nose to underarm funk.

So it's chocolate bars and carrot sticks for me.. well, I have to balance out my diet somehow. Summer is here and the mud bath is waiting. I do need to boil and bake this fat away. Perhaps I'll even get a boyfriend... Maybe even a future HUSBAND.. Oh gawd.. You mean I have to go Husband Hunting? Sheesh where's my sling shot!

Hugz n Lub, Bebe da FairyGodMum